nobody who i follow has written anything since friday, which gives me nothing to read.

“Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.” - J.K. Rowling

I enjoy J.K. Rowling for that quote. And for her books, despite the fact that I couldn't push my way through them but I tried. I started after the movies came out though so reading the books was a little less interesting because all the people's faces and everything was put into my head already. I didn't get a chance to imagine it. And I already knew what was happening, so it was not interesting for myself. THIS BLOG HAS NO POINT. I just needed something to do for a quick jiffy.

hello chuck palahniuk, nice to meet you.

“Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?”
“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”
“I just don’t want to die without a few scars.”
“You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be.”
“You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.”
“Our Generation has had no Great war, no Great Depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.”
“We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens.”
“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”
“It’s because we’re so trapped in our culture, in the being of being human on this planet with the brains we have, and the same two arms and legs everybody has. We’re so trapped that any way we could imagine to escape would be just another part of the trap. Anything we want, we’re trained to want.”
“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We’re just warming up.”
"People have to really suffer before they can risk doing what they love.”
“If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character…Would you slow down? Or speed up?”
“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.”

i was supposed to go to summer today.

1. can i just mention that was not what the title was supposed to be. i don't know what happened with my body functions but i typed 'summer today' instead of 'cedar point tomorrow.' this is going to be a list that probably makes no sense. cool!
2. i went running today at NOT 6 in the morning because i was very tired from work yesterday and so instead i went at 10 o'clock and it was terribly terribly humid outside therefore i passed out. which is not a good thing. right in the middle of the sidewalk, did i mention that? the guy across the street came running over and then the world came right back into focus and i was only two driveways from home so it wasn't too too big of a deal, but still not a good thing. i will go to bed early tonight.
3. the reason i'm not going to cedar point tomorrow is simple. well, not really. i was going with my friend allie. but allie said it's too hot tomorrow. that's not the only reason we're not going. she got surprised by this boy who was supposed to be away all summer in umm, i forget what state? but a far away one. anyways, he surprised her by coming home. even though they're not dating. and he is pretty much bipolar and hates her sometimes but loves her sometimes too. but i'll let them catch up.
4. i'm having a pool party on thursday at noon. everyone's invited :)
5. i've had the same ipod since 7th grade and not nearly all of my music fits onto it. i think it's time for an upgrade.
6. i'm also thinking arby's.
7. i also went to the driving range today and only hit three bad balls out of like a gazillion. the rest were not perfect, but nontheless i wouldn't consider them bad either.
8. my room is a mess, again. how does this happen so quickly?
9. mmm.. key lime pie
10. i recently got addicted to farmville. why!? why!? why!?
11. but my farm is currently under construction and looks really dumb.
12. i'm pretty sure i was rather large when i was twelve. i didn't play too many sports and i was probably the kid who asked for a million extra pieces of cake at birthday parties. and probably an extra scoop of ice cream too. oh, wait, i still do that.
13. i want some gatorade. orange, preferably.
14. i think maybe i'll go paint some pottery tomorrow.

reasons i adore summer

1. i don't ONLY work weekends, therefore i get more hours
2. cedar point, at least once a week
3. pool parties & bonfires
4. having more time to catch up with old friends
5. the sun :)
6. going for runs at 6 in the morning when it's beautiful outside
7. good music in a car with the windows down (clicheeeee)
8. lots of time to read good books
9. camping out
10. golf
11. not bug bites.

One Week Stand

He decided to sit next to me.
He chose to hold my icy hand
in his fiery one, kissing me
on the cheek so I turned cherry
red with happiness. He called me
pet names and rubbed my
arm with that tingling
touch until I was finally
dreaming. He made his way
into my dreams, too, placing
his rough brown hair into
the perfect crevice on my
shoulder when he was
exhausted. He sometimes
even parted my knotted hair
with his fingers, going this
way and that to the rhythm
of his iPod. But I know never
to care for him the way
he childishly pretends to care
for me. I’m not as blonde as I
look; I know that when he’s
finally home again tonight, he’ll
have another cheek to smooch.

this how i spent the last six days of my life. enjoy.

This is the rest stop down at a McDonald's with a Ronald McDonald statue and FIFTY CENT icecreams rather than the normal NINETY NINE CENT ones. win.

the biggest chip i ever did see. and say hello to brendan, he was a major part of making my week beautiful.

we were building a wheelchair ramp for unfortunate souls. it was a lot harder than it looks, and this was only just the beginning.

can i just mention how happy brendan looks here. he was probably just ecstatic that he got to shovel while i took nice pictures.

it was terribly hot and humid outside.

hey it's really coming together! and this is mitchell, a freshman who had a crush on me. aww.

brendan's 7-chin yawn is what gets him the ladies.

this cat seriously loved me. it was 20 feet away and i called 'KITTY!' and it came over. i was afraid it would have a disease or something. so i took a picture and let it on its way. she proceeded to walk over to a nice cadillac and pee on the driver's side door. ewwie.

the air pressure from this nail gun really seemed to be getting to him.

one side complete!

look at those (nail)guns.

look at those (nail)guns.

i'm clearly enjoying my week.

brendan's "senior" pic.

we're purple-ing.

the big cheese.

i was really enjoying the air pressure. almost as much as brendan if not more.

brendan did a really good job color-swapping on my camera.

this would be mitchell.

pastor L, the brains of the operation.

the first ramp complete! (not the one with the gate picture) and their beautiful house!

this is apparently how we fell asleep during our lunch break.

i don't have any beginning pictures of the beginning of this ramp, but here's us in the middle of working on it.

his name is pretty boy. and we fell in love.

umm, shirtless boys? and an almost done ramp!

all of us & the pastor of the church we stayed at.

we just needed to finish the gate and we were running out of time.

what a beautiful gate design.

the wheelchair ramp team (minus two because they were at the other work site) and the woman who's house it was for.

yay for another finished ramp and the side of a house!

initials and a flower in concrete.

IF you were wondering, though you are probably not, i was on a mission trip for the past week. it was extremely tough but still one of the best times of my life for sure. i will never forget it, unless i get short term memory which i hope i do not. chillicothe ohio, you have made my summer start out better than i could have ever imagined.

there's a possibility this might be funny.

ten things that i hate about today (because i feel like being oh so optimistic)

1. it's official, my best friend is going off to college and i'm going to be stuck here in the world of high school and drama.
2. i watched one tree hill. and even though it's a dopey tv show drama it never ceases to put me in a sad memory kind of mood. so i've been thinking about the certain boy that used to put me on the edge of my seat, with butterflies not only in my stomach but in my nose and feet and throat too.
3. i'm stressed about packing for the mission trip which i leave for tomorrow but just don't have enough time.
4. and my room is messy, again. what gives?
5. i don't know where catch-22 went :(
6. i have to drive so many places today it's obnoxious.
7. i'm breaking out EVERYWHERE. my chin, my forehead, my cheeks. i'm a walking zit.
8. the majority of my friends are taking the act right now, so i don't really have anyone to talk to.
9. Lost is still over, forever. And that'll always get me down. I'm a nerd.
10. ...and the world spins madly on

fav bandz @ da mo.

(don't mind my super cool slang title)

1. The Weakerthans


2. The Cure
(seriously i have bad luck with them on youtube or something because every video i click on of the songs i want to post on here don't work)

3. The Kinks

(enjoy the dancing stick figure)

4. The Weepies


5. Alkaline Trio

and obviously that list had no particular order because I pretty much love all of those bands equally.

typical, cliche list

Ten things I wish I could say to ten different people (but don’t say their name):

1. I really wish you would just randomly hold my hand in public so that everyone could see that you like me.
2. I'm sorry I'm rude to you sometimes, but I do love you.
3. Please, never never ever ever take me to a random drinking party again. Especially when I was expecting Steak N' Shake.
4. I'm sorry that I get really nervous when I'm playing golf sometimes, but it's really only when a million eyes are on me. That's my only worry for next year. I'm sorry.
5. Thanks for helping me out a lot with my writing this year, I really appreciate it.
6. You have no idea how much I'm going to miss you next year. Well, maybe you do considering I say it every day.
7. You should schedule me on weekdays, too.
8. YOU ARE CRAZY.
9. I'm sorry, for reals.
10. I hate your guts (Wow, harsh I know, but I wish to say it so I'm being honest).
Nine things about myself:
1. I learned today that the angle of my neck is at about 11 degrees when it should be 45 degrees. And apparently this doesn't happen naturally so I must have undergone some major trauma that somehow I don't remember.
2. I like changing my appearance often. I like change.
3. My room becomes dirty every two days without fail. No kidding.
4. Golfing seriously puts me in a good mood almost all the time.
5. My self confidence level has grown IMMENSELY over the past year.
6. My favorite colors are yellow and purple. And I hate that they're my school colors.
7. I don't like it when my nails are too long.
8. I actually want a boyfriend.
9. My hair looks really good right now.

Eight ways to win my heart:
1. Be original. But be yourself.
2. Hug me even when I don't want to hug you.
3. Have real problems, don't complain about everything though.
4. Tell me the truth, but know what you're allowed to keep from me without it constituting as a lie.
5. Push me around, question me, challenge me, don't just let me win.
6. Bring me random gifts, not flowers.
7. Come with me when I'm doing fun things I enjoy (ex. golfing, movies, walks) and invite me to do fun things with you.
8. Give me time and space when I need it. And I'll definitely give you yours.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
1. I like him.
2. What was I going to do?
3. Time check.
4. When can I go golfing next?
5. I have to pee.
6. I hope I have enough time to take a nap.
7. I wonder if Jess/Matt are busy..

Six things I do before I fall asleep:
1. Pee
2. PJs
3) Computer
4) Phone
5) Pray
6) Think

Six people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever):
1) Jess
2) Matt
3) Denise
4) Parents/Other family
5) Ashley
6) Allie

Five things almost constantly in your possession:
1. Phone
2. Watch
3. Money or Credit Card
4. Keys
5. Pen or Pencil

Four things you did today:
1. Apples to Apples
2. Nap
3. Chiropractor
4. Shopping

Three places which mean a lot to you:
1. My home
2. My grandparent's farm
2. Target
Two things you want to do before you die:
1. Get married
2. Live

One confession:
1. I'm worried that my writing isn't going to be as awesome in the rest of the world as it was in my creative writing class to my one teacher. Like, I'm scared that every where else I submit something or go to write something is just going to reject and hate everything.

this is mostly because i'm an emotional person.

Dearest and Loveliest Jess,
I think it's silly how we knew eachother my freshman year, but barely talked. And it's crazy to think of the first time I came into your house with Luke, Matt, and Rachael and how almost awkwardly placed it was. It was the most random people at the most random of times. I even remember that I had a spoon and I wouldn't stop sucking on it as if I was a kindergardener or something. And then thinking about walking down into your basement on that bright and beautiful day compared to the cold day I walked down there in sweats to an amazing surprise birthday party. Or even to compare it to any other regular day when I walk down there to find you still half asleep in your bed. It's unbelievable how quickly our friendship grew, but I love it more than anything. You are the most important part of my life aside from my family which you have basically become. You have a key to my house for goodness sakes. You had commencement today and if I was there I would definitely be the annoying person to clap for one specific person. Except probably not because I'd chicken out. You are going to grow up to be the most lovely lady that anybody will have the chance of meeting, even if they don't know that right away. They surely will. It's unreal how different my life is going to be next year without you living right down the street, but I'll visit you whenever I can obviously. For the sake of not writing a novel, I'll stop here. Good luck with your futureeee.
Sincerely,
Me

i just need a list.

1. it's been far too long.
2. i want to kiss this one particular boy right now. that'd be cool.
3. my schedule is beyond full this weekend. i don't know how that's possible, but somehow it happened.
4. it's kinda nice outside. i want to lay frisbee, too bad i have to leave for work in about 3 minutes.
5. catch-22 hurts my head to read. there are a lot of characters to remember. i'm now on the 60th page and it might be making a little sense now.
6. want to go swimming with me?
7. chiropractors are awkward. at least mine is. and apparently my back is majorly screwed up all over the place. so that's cool.
8. i have the sniffles.
9. can they send me home from work early tonight? that'd be splendid. or just call me off tomorrow, even better.
10. i really enjoy the soundtrack to 'i love you man,' and 'funny people.' i also REALLY enjoy those movies. but at this moment i forget if i own funny people, and if not then i need to buy it right away.