Ed

sitting in his green canoe
cracking his neck side
to side
in the middle of the lake.
he didn’t give a damn

if anybody knew he was there.
or if the birds sat on him
licking their old
feathers or
letting themselves go

while sitting still. they
were cracking statues in
the throbbing sun,
floating weightless,
the water pounding

against the sides of his
moldy canoe.
wood collapsing off,
floating away,
blending into the water.

from miles away,
blocked by trees
and fog
on mountains, i couldn’t
even see him

holding a telephone.
plastic and dusty,
with the curled and
bent cord dropped
into the water

tugging his ear downwards.
pulling his body in,
he tried to speak
whimpering, maybe
yelling into the phone.

ordering some pizza
with extra sauce.
making sure it’s extra
as the phone escapes his hand
and saying goodnight

to his mother,
his father.
staring at himself

in the wrinkles of the
cold blue water.
and the earth

that he couldn’t even see
on the horizon screaming
at him to paddle in.

it is officially official.

but not really all at the same time.

i'm done applying to the university of pittsburgh. officially done. they have the application, recommendation letters, my transcripts, my ACT scores (the most recent one that i took this past weekend will be sent soon enough), and my essayish thing. done. sent. yay. i'm extremely relieved about this to say the least, except for the fact that i don't know for surely if i'm going to go there yet or not. because ya know, even though i'm pretty set on it, it's the admission committee's decision. i hope they can sense my want and need to go there.

i love pittsburgh.
i want to live there.

oh and i've offically decided i'm going to buy myself a tv. a big nice, flatscreen, plasma type tv. i don't have a tv in my room so you see, this is a big kind of deal. but i'm most likely going to wait for black friday and be one of 'those' people that stand outside best buy or target all night long so i can get the first one. i've already requested off work. it's a done deal.

senioritis number 3

i think i'm on number 3 right?

remember a while ago when i posted a picture of my wall with all the pictures? this makes me a sad senior. a very very sad senior. but also extremely happy at the same time. this is almost an anti-senioritis post i guess. because senioritis is wanting it to be over. but, really, do i want it to be over? uh oh, my wall of pictures is becoming a cure to my disease that i'm slowly dying of. i can look at some of these pictures and pee my pants off laughing about something funny that day. because i remember it. and i want it to happen again. and i miss it. and i miss some of those friends. and those people. those people were my life at those points in my life. i wasn't thinking about anything else than that moment. now i can't think of anything else other than getting this over with. than ending it. i can't think of anything other than leaving and moving on with my life.

i think i need to learn to chill out. at least for the rest of this year. and to love it. to love (and if i can't love it, then at least tolerate) every moment i have.

now, this has been a cliche blog post.