"write about leaving..."

Whenever I think about leaving, I think about death. Can you blame me? I guess that's probably the most depressing thing to say, but it's not as if I can actually help it. Especially lately, because it seems to be the one year mark of everything. You all left. No 'goodbye,' no 'see you soon,' nothing. I am just left here standing. And I know you didn't leave on purpose, none of you did. But do you understand how many people are left here wondering alone? Sometimes I'm having a bad day, struggling to make it through and I need your pick me up, but your advice is gone with you. None of it is here. It seriously keeps me up at night. Me lying in my bed, my eyes digging into the ceiling wanting so badly to have some cheesy epiphany where you all pop into my bedroom. Or to hear your voices in the heating vents. Something, but all I get is nothing because you left. I don't know, I want all of you back so badly that when I first think of the word leaving I think about death, and of you. I don't think of hugs and kisses goodbye, I think of your bodies in coffins and it makes me shake. I don't think of leaving for school in the morning, I think of the hushed phone calls, the long talks about the meaning of life and death. I don't think of anything other than the fact that you left, but I still love you, despite that.