you know that it all takes my breath away

So zomg, I'm going to post another video here now because this made me chuckle.

Now that I'm done with that, let's get down to business. Umm, err, blahh, I really don't know what to type right now. I was just sitting here thinking 'hmm, I feel like blogging,' but now that I'm here I have no idea what to even say. I guess I'll just type about what's going on in my life right now, that seems like a good topic. And I also don't feel like splitting everything up into seperate paragraphs because organization seems pointless to me right now. And it's my blog, so what're you gonna do about it?? Huh?! K, I'm done now.

So I'm in a band. And our name is *gags* 'Reach Out,' which by my gag you could probably tell that I dislike the name. I kinda dislike the band. We're not by any means good or well known or anything, I guess it would be kind of cool to play a legit show at like Peabody's or something, though. I was thinking about quitting, but now I'm not so sure. Like, I want to get somewhat good or at least try a little bit more. Actually have some practices here and there before I decide if I enjoy it or not. Also, me and my friend Dylan are going to record some covers soon. Pretty much just for the pure enjoyment. We've only jammed together once and it took me a while to get out of my 'stage fright' essence, but just sitting in my basement with him playing guitar and me singing was a blast in itself. School is school. Honestly, I barely feel like I'm in school. I get out after 4 hours and I almost never have homework and when I do it's a piece of cake. I don't know, I guess this year is just very simple for me. Soccer is also, soccer. Hah. I play it for the fun, even though most of the time I'm not very good. I like the people I play with and that makes it all worthwhile. Skiing

OKAY LET ME JUST EXPRESS HOW PISSED OFF I AM BECAUSE I TYPED A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF AND IT WAS ALL REALLY GREAT AND INTERESTING (ACTUALLY NOT BUT WHATEVER) AND THEN THE STUPID HTML GOT SCREWED UP BECAUSE I USED A 'LESS THAN THREE' AFTER SKIING. WTF ZOMG.

pass me another bottle, honey

So I've decided that I'm going to add something actually interesting on here because what I type obviously isn't. I'll just post the song that I happen to be listening to when I begin this whole shenanigan, because 9 out of 10 times I'm listening to music when I'm on the computer. Taking inspiration from a facebook note thing, I'm going to list 25 facts/things/random stuff that may or may not be about me. (:

1. If I'm ever having a bad day and you buy me sweettarts, ramen, or sour skittles it'll instantly turn my day around.
2. I radiate stage fright.
3. Whenever I'm taking notes in class and something is really easy to me I doodle pieces of cake. As in, 'this is a piece of cake.' tehe :P
4. I want to go to Arizona State University.
5. I think I might actually want to date him, which changes everything I've been going by for nearly the past eight months.
6. I honestly like all types of music.
7. 'Yellow' flavor is always the best, unless it's coconut.
8. I drink hot cocoa daily. I've already had it twice today and I've only been up for an hour and forty-five minutes.
9. I'm really happy with my iTunes shuffle right now.
10. Drawing things on my hands is especially self-fulfilling. But I always get upset when what I draw looks dumb.
11. I love skiing. I love going fast. Now I want to learn how to snowboard.
12. I want to go fourwheeling very badly right now.
13. I felt like my life was complete when I went through the drivethrough backwards with my best friend and her boy last night. tehe.
14. It's unbelievable how much has changed in my life since this time last year. Like, when I look at all the pictures around my room it gives me a kind of sad or weird feeling. Because half of the people in the pictures I barely talk to anymore. A few of them hate me and I'm completely salty towards. It's just so odd. And some of them that were just in my life but barely, are some of my closest friends now.
15. I wish I had a voice like Miranda Lambert.
16. I think I'm ready to focus on one guy. I'm finally ready to let myself have that feeling again.
17. My mom's rice krispy treats with chocolate on top are to die for.
18. Going camping with my family and friends every summer is a great getaway.
19. I think going on a roadtrip sounds fun. No destinations, nothing besides your best friends at your side.
20. I wish the hokeypokey was really what it was all about.
21. It would be pretty cool to have a small part on a TV Show. I wouldn't even need the money for it or anything. It just seems like a really awesome time.
22. I kinda wish I hadn't invited you over those two nights when I think back on it.
23. Going to work on a Saturday night is such a drag. It's so busy.
24. I don't have a favorite number.
25. Playing soccer is a blast.

there she goes again

This song just has the ability to put me into the best of moods. And for no actual legitimate reason. The tune is just happy and I suppose that's a reason, but still. I have nothing else to say today, my mind is everywhere and for me to put what I'm feeling into words would be of EXTREME complications for me. And then it would just get me frustrated. And I don't really want to do that right now. I just want to listen to this song, over and over and over and etc.

dear boy,

Okay, so I like you a lot. And you know I like you a lot. Sometimes I wonder if you even like me at all though, or if you're just using me for pleasure? I mean, I understand that we ARE friends and we're probably always going to be friends, whether close or far, but is anything more EVER going to come from this? I know right now it's not going anywhere and it's not that it necessarily needs to, but I don't want to get myself in too deep with something that I'll end up sinking in. And dying, metaphorically of course.

Because here's the deal. You don't want a relationship. And despite me having some feelings for you, I know I don't want one either. Not right now. But feelings are weird, they have a way of messing with your head. And I'm worried that somewhere down the line the feelings I have for you will emerge and force me to actually legitimately want something more with you. And you won't want it. It'll break my heart if that happens and I need to prevent that. Because who really wants to do something that they know is going to break their heart in the end? That would be suicidal, which I'm clearly not.

So I'm sorry if for a week or two it's going to seem like I'm extremely distant. Although I'm sure you won't even notice. We haven't texted since the last time we hung out. And I'm surprisingly doing okay with that. I've been keeping myself busy, doing other things. Other things that make me happy. And that keeps me sane, knowing that at least you're not the ONLY thing that makes me happy. It'll help keep me from liking you more than I originally planned to. Which is where I already am, but if it goes further I don't know what I'd do. It might also be a test almost. A test to see if you actually do care. If you see that something is wrong with me, see if you're worried, or something. Anything, anything at all. Not that I have the right or a real reason to test you. I guess I'm kind of a creep, and I can live with that.

my bedroom is a complete mess.

I think I have officially decided that I want to go to Arizona State and start with my BA in Speech & Hearing Science, from there going to major in Speech-Language Pathology. It seems interesting to me and I really want to learn sign language. Don't question my motives. Why Arizona? I guess I really don't know, for some reason it seems to be calling my name. Plus, the weather seems pleasant. I'm glad I've at least figured out what I want to do with my future, finally, because everything else in life is stressing me out lately. Mostly just the fact that within the month of January, I started two new classes at Tri-C, ski club has begun, and soccer started. It's just entirely too hectic for me right now. And this past weekend, my wonderfully relaxing four day weekend, was spent mostly on the computer and in my bed. The amount of time I spent studying for my midterm exams: 0 hrs, 0 min, 0 sec. These are going to go great (sense the sarcasm?). I might as well attempt to get a good night's sleep for once in my life, anything could help me now. But first, I start with this room..

Nevermind, Brad just messaged me on Skype = No sleep for me.

there's no point to this post.

I'm really awful at blogging because I never know what to write about. I never know if I just want to simply state how my day is going or if I want to be extremely poetic about life and feelings. For instance, right now, I have no idea what to type. You should probably just stop reading now because it's not like this is going to get interesting or anything. It probably never will. My life isn't interesting. I'm stuck in a regular old high school in a regular old town that doesn't even have its own Walmart. Not that the town is horribly small or anything, because I'm sure there are towns with less than us. But still. Life here is everything short of dynamic and wonderful, definitely not even worth writing about. So why am I?