it's complicated.

i have decided, through an extremely long thought process which you care nothing about, that i am going to start up a new blog. it's not necessary to follow me there instead, but maybe it'll actually be a blog of some importance rather than a blog about boring nothingness. i'll give it a try.

here you go:
(i have yet to figure out how to actually create a button.. i'm not so good with this tech-savvy stuff, so if you could help me with that i'd be grateful)
Boats Against the Current

birthday party.

i'm thinking about maybe possibly throwing one of those this year. my birthday is not for another month and two days but parties ARE in fact that kinds of things that you have to plan ahead of time so that people can request off of work and be committed to coming to my party rather than going out to eat or something.

my birthday is november 16th, which is kind of crummy because november 19th is the day the next harry potter movie comes out in theaters and because i work at a movie theater i can't even request off that weekend so i already know my party will have to be the weekend before.

so, now that i've completed step one. picking the day. i need to decide if i just want to invite people over to chill or actually plan things. i think i'm going to plan things. like, pin the tail on the donkey, and have a pinata, and maybe some sack races or something. something 8 year olds would do. even though i'm going to be 18 i really don't think it's that big of a deal. OH OH and have party favors, like bags with candy and random toys that nobody ever really wanted like a crummy yo-yo that breaks after one try. or sticky-hands. or something.

or maybe it'll be a themed party. like an 80s themed party. boy howdy do i love the 80s. and
1. everyone will have to dress up (obviously)
2. i'll play 80s music (which i already have hours worth of on my itunes)
3. near the end of the night i'll show a movie or two from the 80s.. preferably Valley Girl and/or The Breakfast Club.
4. i might be able to find some 80s related games (or games that are from the 80s) on amazon.com.
5. maybe maybe maybe i'll be really cheesy and even play a game of spin the bottle.
6. and have a bowl of punch!

i'm getting really excited about this. "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" that's a noise i make when i'm excited about something.

any other ideas?

communication

1. is hard.
2. is something i'm bad at.
3. is rough.
4. is something i need to work on.
5. has taken an easy way out. technology.
6. is the pits.
7. is hard.

now that this has been another boring post i'm going to go and watch this movie:

so, procrastination happens.

1. i have a six page paper to write.
2. i'd rather blog about nothing instead.
3. but, if you're wondering what it's about (which is probably not happening) i will tell you. should english be the official language for the united states? what do you think?
4. i ordered movies off of amazon.com and they came in the mail yesterday and when i got home and saw them i screamed 'YAY' at the top of my lungs. nobody in my family even looked at me.
5. want to know what movies they were?
again, probably not but that's okay.
Valley Girl, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Weird Science.
If you didn't know by now i have a mad obsession with the 80s.
6. i think that the University of Pittsburgh should accept me faster.
7. i also think that research papers are stupid.
8. i'm going to a homecoming at a school that is not mine this weekend. with a boy that is not my boyfriend. is that bad? (note: i went to my own homecoming alone) (another note: the boy that's taking me to this homecoming is legitimately just a friend)
9. someone told me about this play that's about the great gatsby called 'Gatz' playing in New York. and i got almost more excited than ever but then my dreams were shattered upon looking up the play and finding that all the tickets for every showtime for every day ..are sold out.
10. hey ya by obadiah parker officially has over 200 plays on my itunes.
11. oh and in case you were wondering, my day at marco's last friday was beyond wonderful.

reasons i love fall.

1. the smell of dying leaves
2. everything was still happy
3. it is my favorite temperature time period
4. crunchy leaves
5. i can drink hot cocoa (or pumpkin spice latte) multiple times a day without being questioned
6. hats
7. the colors
8. haunted houses
9. apple cider and bonfires
10. my birthday
11. everything

the joys of smelling like pizza every day.

you all know i work at a movie theater, well a month or so ago i picked up another job at a pizza place. marco's pizza. YUM. if you don't know how wonderful our pizza is yet, you should go and try it. and maybe our cinnasquares, i could live off of those.. even though i'd probably die.

so on wednesday, apparently it was extremely busy so they called me in (none of us knew why it was so busy on a wednesday) but since i'm not working at the theater at all this upcoming weekend i figured i could use the extra hour or two. there's not really much else to the story except for the fact that we just had to do a major clean up before people from corporate stopped by just to say hey. and the president (or whatever his title is) of marco's pizza shook my hand and told me my pizza looked amazing. it was a pretty great moment.

then yesterday (thursday) i donated blood. that has nothing to do with marco's, but i worked about two hours after the donation and i was feeling fine for the first hour of work. but the the lightheaded and sickness started kicking in. and i'm one to know what it feels like to pass out, i used to do it all the time. and i hate it, i cry.. every time. so at first i just sat down for a few minutes and i thought i was going to be alright so i got back up and started working again. but then i happened to be helping a customer (they were probably wondering what the heck was wrong with me). i could barely pronounce $10.99 to them and couldn't even find their pizza on the rack. i looked at alyssa (who was the manager for the night) mumbled and jumbled something out of my mouth. and collapsed. i was two seconds away from passing out. if i wouldn't have gotten my head down and rushed some blood to it i would have been a gone-er. i ended up having to call my parents to pick me and my car up because i was in no shape to drive. i also feel especially awful because it was getting somewhat busy at that point (dinner rush) and i couldn't help even if i wanted to try.

one great day at marco's. one terrible day at marco's. i work again tonight, let's see how this goes.

Ed

sitting in his green canoe
cracking his neck side
to side
in the middle of the lake.
he didn’t give a damn

if anybody knew he was there.
or if the birds sat on him
licking their old
feathers or
letting themselves go

while sitting still. they
were cracking statues in
the throbbing sun,
floating weightless,
the water pounding

against the sides of his
moldy canoe.
wood collapsing off,
floating away,
blending into the water.

from miles away,
blocked by trees
and fog
on mountains, i couldn’t
even see him

holding a telephone.
plastic and dusty,
with the curled and
bent cord dropped
into the water

tugging his ear downwards.
pulling his body in,
he tried to speak
whimpering, maybe
yelling into the phone.

ordering some pizza
with extra sauce.
making sure it’s extra
as the phone escapes his hand
and saying goodnight

to his mother,
his father.
staring at himself

in the wrinkles of the
cold blue water.
and the earth

that he couldn’t even see
on the horizon screaming
at him to paddle in.

it is officially official.

but not really all at the same time.

i'm done applying to the university of pittsburgh. officially done. they have the application, recommendation letters, my transcripts, my ACT scores (the most recent one that i took this past weekend will be sent soon enough), and my essayish thing. done. sent. yay. i'm extremely relieved about this to say the least, except for the fact that i don't know for surely if i'm going to go there yet or not. because ya know, even though i'm pretty set on it, it's the admission committee's decision. i hope they can sense my want and need to go there.

i love pittsburgh.
i want to live there.

oh and i've offically decided i'm going to buy myself a tv. a big nice, flatscreen, plasma type tv. i don't have a tv in my room so you see, this is a big kind of deal. but i'm most likely going to wait for black friday and be one of 'those' people that stand outside best buy or target all night long so i can get the first one. i've already requested off work. it's a done deal.

senioritis number 3

i think i'm on number 3 right?

remember a while ago when i posted a picture of my wall with all the pictures? this makes me a sad senior. a very very sad senior. but also extremely happy at the same time. this is almost an anti-senioritis post i guess. because senioritis is wanting it to be over. but, really, do i want it to be over? uh oh, my wall of pictures is becoming a cure to my disease that i'm slowly dying of. i can look at some of these pictures and pee my pants off laughing about something funny that day. because i remember it. and i want it to happen again. and i miss it. and i miss some of those friends. and those people. those people were my life at those points in my life. i wasn't thinking about anything else than that moment. now i can't think of anything else other than getting this over with. than ending it. i can't think of anything other than leaving and moving on with my life.

i think i need to learn to chill out. at least for the rest of this year. and to love it. to love (and if i can't love it, then at least tolerate) every moment i have.

now, this has been a cliche blog post.

senioritis number 2

everyone knows i'm a big fan of awkward moments right. right, well, there's some awkward moments that i don't actually like. but i have to deal with these moments because my whole entire life is one big awkward moment and i realize i can't love all of it.

so i walk into my first english class of the semester and notice the teacher. she looks like a very nice lady. the second person i notice is another lady. blonde. hmm, oh i do know her! but i wish i didn't. i'm having a hard time explaining this so i'll just throw it out there.. i have a class with my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend's mom. that sounds like it shouldn't matter to me but it somewhat does. because i used to go to church with my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend and his new girlfriend's mom. and we were all friends. we all loved eachother. it was nice. the whole church was nice. my ex-boyfriend's dad is also the pastor which in the end made it almost inevitably awkward and awful for me to go there. so i started going somewhere else despite the fact that that's a most likely awful reason to stop going to a certain church. anyways, my ex-boyfriend hasn't willingly talked to me in um, let's say forever. it's not like either of us really did anything to make one another highly dislike eachother, it was all a misunderstanding to say the least (i'm really not kidding. i told him i didn't think i loved him and so he took that as breaking up. i think that's dumb because i was only 16 and 16 year olds really don't have to have 'love' in their relationships). it's nothing. he stopped talking to me. anyways, that was all rambling and not the point. at all. the point is, i walked right past the woman and proceeded to as far away from her as possible. i didn't think she even noticed me. until. here's the big until. the class was over and i wanted to speed right out of there but she decided that she didn't want that to happen. instead, "oh hi sydney it's been a while since i've seen you, what've you been up to?"
pause.
really really long pause.
i didn't even know what to say.
i didn't even know if i should smile or not.
"oh, uh, hi"
"i thought you were still in high school."
"oh, uh, i am this is just, uh, post secondary. for college credit."
"that sounds pretty cool. i don't think they offer that at katie's* school."
pauce.
really really long pause.
katie* is the new girlfriend of my ex-boyfriend.
"oh, uh, that's too bad."
"so what other classes are you taking here?"
does she stop...
because considering the entire class was gone besides us two i thought it was time to leave. i showed my thoughts by slowly looking around the empty, quite, cold classroom.
"i won't hold you up any longer, we can catch up another day though okay."
okay. okay. catch up another day. sounds wonderful see you then! no but really, i didn't respond. i just stood there. almost stunned. it was awkward. then i felt like i was being rude. and now i feel like i'm going to be expected to almost be extremely friendly towards this woman.

this makes no sense to me.
(and probably not to you either because this story was all over the place)

*name changed because i said so.

just a simple shout out to those of you who actually read anything i ever post.

p.s. these pictures are way old.

senioritis number 1

so basically i had planned on starting an entire new blog entitles 'Senioritis' but I'm not sure if I'll actually be able to keep up with that because I barely keep up with this one regardless. So randomly throughout my wonderful, amazing, terrible senior year I may or may not have senioritis posts just for fun and suchness. Enjoy it or not.

Walking into school today was a pointless experience. I only have one class at the highschool and it was one hundred percent completely unnecessary for me to be there. First period economics. I don't care about economics. We had a survey sheet and one of the questions asked how much we wanted to learn about it and I chose the lowest response because as you know, I'm honest like that. And my friend Daniel and I have decided to call our teacher Ke$ha because he said he's bad with names and he gets annoyed when people pronounce his name wrong so we should correct him. But well, actually there's not really any legitimate reason but that's okay. I also realize that I sort of kind of almost dated two people in my class, so this should be interesting. Or not. Probably not because I'm not a very interesting person. I liked the way Ke$ha described the dress code though: "If you come to school looking like you might arrive in a scene on the Jersey Shore, then the outfit is not appropriate." or "If it looks like I have to tip you twenty dollars on the way out of the classroom and I have to lie to my wife about seeing you in what you were wearing, then the outfit is not appropriate." I think I might like this guy. He's honest, and has a SmartBoard. Works for me.

Oh, and then I came home and took a nap. What a great first day!

i'm missing half of me

sometimes i look over and see
my left arm dangling, falling
over the railing on the stairs

and when i go to scratch my back
i can’t reach from all the way
over there. stretching my fingers

across the room really is a long
way to go for an itch that won’t
stop. or in a business meeting i

feel those needles, staples, pinecones
of my legs telling me to uncross them,
but my leg is tangled in the

chandelier. a piece of artwork for
show. and watching my favorite movie next
to you in the cold living room as my

bad habit takes over and my ring finger
needs to be relieved, cracked—pulled
apart and off of me. but it’s already gone.

things to do before school starts (not that anybody reading this would really care)

1. buy my books
2. go to cedar point
3. figure out my feelings for this certain person/decide if i actually want a relationship gasp
4. reorganize all my playlists on itunes (because for anybody who was wondering my music was just hiding somewhere on my computer and i had to find it)
5. get rid of the millions of tshirts that i don't wear (and pretty much keep the 10 that i do.
6. figure out my phone problems
7. read the great gatspy, again (not because i have to)
8. have a Saw marathon with heather
9. play monopoly with shlee.
10. clean my room (i always seem to be doing that)

hello, cheesy lyrics.

thank you katy perry. i don't even care if her song is just like every other song ever created for teenage girls to love and think it's the best song ever. i'm kind of in a really good mood because of this song.



and i really really really can't wait to see this movie:

nothing is going right today.

1. i woke up late.
2. iTunes deleted all of my music.
3. i wore jeans when it was clearly too hot.
4. they wouldn't let me schedule my english class
5. they wouldn't let me buy my books for school.
6. the target school supply section is less than amazing.
7. my mosquito bites are killing me.
8. i'm sweating hot and i'm inside my house. it should be nice in here.

good cop, bad cop.

so yesterday, i guess i was a bad kid. and this will not be a list. nor will it be a poem. i'm just overly bored so i need to type SOMETHING. yesterday i was somewhere were i wasn't supposed to be and at a time when i wasn't supposed to be at it. i arrived at denny's at 1:45 in the morning when i called my mom. i called her to tell her that my friends and i were going to denny's (she didn't know that i was already there, and i WAS supposed to be home at 1:30). well, needless to say, she was a little upset that i wasn't at home. at that point a little buzzer went off in my head that said "get home as fast as you can because she thinks you're five minutes away from home but really you're twenty, but it's also past curfew so you should probably not go very fast and get pulled over like you did on the way there" (which was actually on the way to frisbee before going to eat).

pause.

i didn't mention getting pulled over on the way there. well, i did. but i didn't get a ticket. apparently i'm sweet and innocent and the police men just feel kind of bad for me or something. because when he asked
"so why were you going so fast?"
my immediate and completely one hundred percent honest response was "let me start off by saying i'm extremely sorry and it won't happen again. it's just that a really good song came on and i started singing along and i was paying attention and being safe with everything i could have been, besides my speed. and i am also late for playing frisbee with my friends."
then his response: "you're playing frisbee at 9:30 at night? isn't it a bit dark?"
me: "we have a light up frisbee!
guy: "awesome, well, let me just go check out your license and i'll be right back"
waiting waiting waiting waiting
guy: "i'm not going to give you a ticket. and i don't want to hold you up any longer. have a great night!"
me: "oh thank you very much, you have a wonderful night as well!"

unpause.

so that didn't go too badly. on the way home, was a different story. i was speeding again. for obvious reasons of getting home before my mom got mad at me. i should have thought it through that my mom would get even more mad at me if i ended up getting pulled over and getting a ticket. which is exactly what ended up happening. he didn't even give me a chance. he didn't even let me explain myself. he just said, "you were speeding, please don't get out of the car and i'll be right back." in the meantime, my gas gage was really low so i was also worrying about that. this guy took about twenty minutes to write the ticket in his car. unnecessary? i think so. especially since when he came back he wasn't even finished and had to ask me about a million irrelevant questions such as "are you married?" to complete the ticket. AND THEN, when i said "have a good night" he didn't even respond to me. immature. i'm helping him actually have a job to do, he should be thankful for idiotic kids like me.

anyways, i'm basically on house arrest for somewhere between two weeks and a month. we'll see how that goes. on the bright side, my dad ended up getting the ticket leaved because he's awesome and i love him and he's a firefighter and knows people. i'm somewhat okay with being grounded though because if i was not, i doubt i would have ever finished my summer reading. but now i have plenty of time. and my dad told me i had to volunteer to help a special ed teacher in an elementary school which i am completely okay with. so being grounded shouldn't be toooooo awful.

since when is it august?

oh, four days ago. i know. i'm not THAT stupid, or am i?

things i like about the fact that school is about to happen again:
1. the fact that other people are at band camp, and i'm not :)
2. new school supply shopping
3. finding out who's in my classes
4. homedays are soon enough.
5. trying to fit a million gajillion plans into just a few weeks, but it always ends up working out perfectly.

things that i hate about the fact that school is about to happen again:
1. some friends are going off to college again. including my best friend, which makes me entirely to sad to comprehend.
2. not being able to stay out until late on weeknights.
3. useless drama that i don't want to be a part of.
4. more than half of the people i've become really close to at work are leaving for college and moving on with life. i didn't think this would make me as sad as i am. but only two people who have been there longer than me are staying. only six of us 'veterans' are staying at all. fifteen (give or take a few) new kids are coming in and i DO like meeting new people but i loved the people i worked with. ugh ugh ugh
5. responsibilities.

i could keep adding to both these lists. but for the sake of saving space on the world wide web, i shall stop.

running in a thunderstorm.

pause for a second. i just want to give myself a pat on the back for posting something other than a list. aka, i'm posting a poem. go me. it'll probably be awful, but that's just fine with me. and the title of this post is not the title of the poem like it normally is if i'm posting a poem. i don't know what the title of the poem is. i suppose you could just say it's untitled. but that's besides the point. here:

There comes a point in time
when you’re running, maybe
a minute in, or maybe
you’ve already been running for ten
miles. When you don’t know,
when you’re not quite sure
if it’s the sweat that’s swimming
down your leg or if there was a sudden
downpour of rain. Or if in the dark,
black sky you’re seeing lightning
take over like a shark takes over a
small lake or if you’re actually
just a second away from blacking
out completely into the asphalt below
your tingling legs. You get so far
and so concentrated on just continuing
that maybe you even forget why you
started running in the first place.
Making your way down a soccer field
to score a goal? Playing tag in your muddy
backyard with the newly adopted puppy—
trying to avoid all the slobber you possibly
can? Running to lose a few extra pounds
from that night you broke down after
he felt like just packing up and leaving?
Or was that an entire week of breaking down?
Or maybe. Maybe you never even knew
why you were running in the first place.
And that actually. Actually, you might
never know until you end up someplace else.

i got a really sparkly bandaid today.

so i think if you go to the doctor's office
1. you shouldn't have to wait two hours after your appointment to even be talked to at all.
2. they doctor shouldn't judge you if you can't give a urine sample. sorry, i can pee on command. it doesn't mean i'm doing drugs.
3. they shouldn't just bring in a shot without warning. i didn't know that was going to happen, surprisingly i was alright.
4. they should probably make sure that old men aren't wandering around in random rooms so that they walk into my room and sit down. awkward? i think so.
5. make sure it doesn't smell in there. like wet dog.
6. if they put a sign up about something, they should make sure it's proper grammar. (i understand that sometimes i suck at my grammaticalness on my blog, but they have plenty of time to look over a simple poster. i'm not going to take my time to reread my posts when i'm just way to lazy to do something like that). anyways,  " ATTENTION PATIENTS'! " doesn't make sense because the patients aren't possessing anything. didn't you go to college? do i really want you to be giving me a shot?

so, i think that those things should be fixed before i go there next time or i might think twice.