we watched a video that talked about tuning forks today in physics.

and when i was watching some episodes of lost (i'm on season three and it's been about a week and a half!) they had a record player and me being the thinker that i am, thought about it. i honestly don't know how people invented those things, or even thought about it. i mean i'm sure their initial thought was that they wanted to have the amazing music that someone played to be saved and listen to over and over and forever, but how did they manage to actually invent a record? i'm one hundred percent positive that i wouldn't be able to do that. then, dummy me, starring at a tv never even though about how that one worked out. i mean, i guess i may have been told before but because tvs have been around during my entire lifetime so far, i never really thought twice about it. moving talking picture on a screen that SOMETIMES could be happening at the same exact time as the actual event. that's actually pretty intense. that this small video recording device, sometimes called a camera, can just be pointed at whatever it wants and this satellite thingymabob can just send that image.. moving AND talking to wherever it wants to, with the added fact that they need to have this really big glass screen thing in that place where they're sending it. wow, humans really are amazing. thanks, God.

if you're not my manager, please don't yell at me for doing nothing wrong.

so today was a relatively good day at work. nothing too good, nothing too bad. so finally when i was just finishing up closing my side concession stand with hayley, we were pushing a cart of garbage to the other side of the theatre to dispose of it. so it just so happened that at the worst time, in the worst possible place one big bag full of popcorn (tied closed so nothing fell out) rolled off of the cart right in front of a customer. nobody was hit, nobody was hurt. no harm, no foul? right? apparently i was wrong, especially when i laughed.. that was very wrong. it was quite silly, to just see a clear bag of popcorn tumbling across the hallway. somewhat like a tumbleweed. i thought it was funny. mr. blue shirt black hair glasses manager who doesn't even know my name didn't think it was funny. here is what he said, or at least what i remember he said: 'that bag that fell could have hit a customer and could have made a customer very pissed. laughing about it was the last thing that you two should have done.' and then we made our apologies and he walked away. i got a little red in the face, but then remembered that he in fact, doesn't know my name so it would be impossible for me to be written up or suspended or terminated.. or something. so the point is, don't yell at me if you don't know me and if i didn't do anything wrong.

i have this irrational fear that i'm going to die in the shower.

and nobody is going to find me for a very long time therefore i will drown and it will be too late to try cpr on me. that's really all i have to say because it's 3:15 in the morning and i have to wake up for church in roughly five hours and it will take me no less than an hour to even timidly fall asleep so i'm going to begin that treck now. sleeping was just starting to get easy, until wednesday. it's not even like anything life changing happened. just the sleep got bad again. and that makes me mad.

the song that popped up on my iTunes shuffle at this moment:


i thought the chinese people may or may not have added to the song. it was actually just the first result on youtube.

sometimes i wonder who decided to put all the ingredients together to make cookie dough.

that's not the point. my mom told me to clean my room today and i decided against it. i decided to read my favorite blog instead, it's called 'it walked on my pillow dot blogspot dot com.' it's probably my favorite thing to read. more than the great gatspy, which i have read 11 times so i must like this blog quite a bit. if anybody out there is reading this, you should read that blog instead, i promise you that you'll enjoy it more than this.

heather is going to be over my house in a few minutes and i still have to put pants on. i do that sometimes, sit here in my underwear and i apologize if that's on the creepy side, but i'm home alone so who really cares anyways? we are going to see the movie shutter island (which i have already seen but i'm taking heather to go see today) and then cooking ourselves a gluten free dinner. because heather's body chooses to be allergic to everything a normal person isn't. we also will probably watch the movie the great gatspy because we have been trying to find a day to get together since before christmas (when she bought me this movie, and i love her for it). then we are going to do whatever else us girls do for fun. try not to take that in a bad way if you're a pervert or something.

heather's car just pulled in the driveway, now to put on some pants...

i think i may be getting somewhere.

There's a possibility that I may have figured something out about myself today. I'm an extremely independent person and I guess I just never realized that before although it's always been true. I don't need to have someone tell me they love me every day or to hear that I'm beautiful once in a while. Don't get me wrong, those are lovely things, but not necessary. I just want to have fun is all, really, I'm a kid that's my point in life right now. So due to the fact that I feel like I don't need it, maybe that's why when I'm in a relationship with someone I don't always let them know how much they mean to me and all that good stuff. I think that's what happened with Luke. I think I talk about that too much, I always question what went wrong and where it went wrong. It was just so great, it's quite possibly the greatest thing that has happened in my life, yet, because I'm sure there are greater things to come. Because like I stated, I am in fact just a kid. I think that Luke is not such at independent kind of person, like me. He's a very dependent person, as a matter of fact. He always needed my approval, my praise, my everything. But I never really understood why, I guess I just think about myself to much. I'm a little bit selfish in that way, when I don't understand why someone is doing something or why they have this opinion I get a little frustrated and I know that's probably incredibly rude. I'm going to try to work on that. I'm not saying that I'm not an open minded person, because I let other people have their opinion, but I always try to weigh out why they feel that way. And for some reason I never understand it. Kind of like Luke always wanting so much and I never knew why. Now I think I know why. I'm talking in circles, I apologize. I realized this because I invited Bobby over today. I'm a horrible person, so beat me. And Bobby asked me if it bothered me that he didn't text me every day. I said that it doesn't, because that's the truth. I think at first I thought it did, like six months ago, but that's probably because I thought it should have bothered me. I know that doesn't make any sense. But when I'm feeling one way about something and I think that it's odd then I change my opinion, I literally change it. I don't lie, I just change. Because we're only human and we can do that. But today I realized it didn't bother me, it didn't matter at all. Then that got me to thinking, about how it always bothers Luke that I'm not texting him every minute of every day. By the way, I'm really hoping that somehow nobody comes across this and takes any offense to it because that would make me feel really horribly awful. But I don't even understand the point of blogging anyways. It's a way for me to sort out my life I guess, but that sounds dumb. Anyways, the point is is that that's why I think I like Bobby, as a person anyways. He's so honest, and he's a lot like me in a lot of ways. He's helping me figure myself out, because I obviously have no idea. And is that really such a bad thing, am I really being such a bad person? I don't think so.

Royal Flush

Watching TV is playing a poker game.
Potato chips and gummy bears
were always better at bluffing than me.
The vivid colors appearing—alternating
on the screen make my eyes tingle.
I listen for familiar background tunes, but
all I get is Mr. Commercial Voice.
The cold mac n’ cheese has faded to white
throughout my day of being suctioned
to the frozen leather sofa.
I can still taste the crackling
static radiating from the tube.
Barack Obama interrupts my
not-so-interesting show with a
not-so-interesting update on our
not-so-interesting status in Iraq.
I’ve always been intrigued by the war.
TV has yet to become a use of time—days,
minutes, seconds wasted away in living rooms.
I’m obvs going to rot in this place,
because the rays from the TV are beginning
to invade through my skin—surely cancer.
I learned that on TV.
“You’re a twitch,” I recall them telling me.
The monopoly money of the world
will pay for everything eventually.
I’m as picky as a hooker,
chewing through men’s wallets
as I sit here on my sofa.
Australia would never do that to a person,
tomorrow she will pay them all back.
Because this sandy candy will find
treasure buried inside her one day.
I’ll have to learn how to make my own
money to lose it all again.
Das Geld is nicht sehr gut für die Eis.
As the TV kills itself, and the cancer
yanks the hair from my skin; Some day,
I will learn to play poker again.

Cartoon Romance, Age 18

People under, say, eighteen, shouldn’t believe
that their love is ever-lasting,
inevitably pulling them from their mother’s arms, bruised faces

shattered after bruised faces, whole

body systems collapsing, all of it
acted out in pattern. At eighteen we are just beginning

the outlines to our futures,

that if a man creates a friend out of air
only he can talk to it.
Other people who attempt

will be speaking into cold wind. Eighteen-year olds
should stick to soccer games, marching bands,
grades going up and down—earthbound, tangible

events, moments

where they can become winners. You can score
goals in a soccer game, some people

have tutors, the hardships will come
with handbooks, if you fail

you will be forgiven. A child

exhales her breath onto the neck of a stranger,
& soaks his shirts with tears. She knows

the exact spot it will end, at which point
the blood will escape, who will forget sobriety
& who will be drowned under by shame. She will learn

that if she runs into a cave
she will not leave

until she notices her mistake.


Imitation of: Cartoon Physics, Part 1